This Is Why Modern Romance Is The Worst

If you’ve been single for a while now, like me, and find it such a struggle to meet someone decent then you’d agree with me when I say modern romance is the absolute worst. It’s so bad even Aziz Ansari wrote a book about it. A book which I read and failed to finish because I was too disgusted by the facts. Yep, that’s how much I despise ‘dating’, or as some guys would much prefer to call it – “just hanging out”.

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Before I defend my bold and negative statement about courtship in the 21st century, you should know that this is strictly written from a girl’s point of view. To be specific, a girl who’s been single for so long that her best friend’s mother walked up to her during the throwing of the bouquet ceremony of her daughter’s wedding and said “You better catch this”

It’s not like I haven’t tried. I have, and it’s frustrating, and these are just some of the reasons why I’d like to kick modern romance on its big old fat butt. Not that I have anything against big butts. Love you, Kim.

Never call the guy you like, unless you’re dying. Even then, you should probably think twice.

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I must be the only girl left in the universe who prefers to talk on the phone than texting, which is a big no-no when you’re actively dating in 2016. I once called a guy I was hanging out with and he picked up the phone and said “What’s wrong?” Phone calls are apparently only for emergencies nowadays. If you call a guy, you’re basically needy and weird and should be locked up in a dungeon because that behaviour is just unacceptable.

If you think you’re the only girl he’s talking too, you’re 110 % wrong. You could not have been more wrong about anything in your entire life.

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The only time men are overachievers is when it comes to juggling women. You can be sure the boy who’s sending you a ‘goodnight, little lady’ text message is asking the girl he recently got matched with on Tinder out on a date. If you’re lucky, he’ll tell you straight up that he’s seeing other people. If you’re not, he’ll hide it from you until you catch him because, let’s face it, guys are not really smart when it comes to these things. Some of them still don’t know how to erase their search history for goodness sake.

‘Ghosting’ scares me more than actual ghost

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I’ll watch The Conjuring all alone in the middle of the night than have someone who I went out on a date with a couple of times magically disappear from my life. Heck, I’d rather come face to face with that girl from The Ring than send a guy I like a text message only to have him not reply. You could say I have some anxiety issues or maybe I just like common courtesy, but whatever it is, I still believe in honesty and telling someone ‘Look, I’m just not that into you’. You can even throw in the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ bulls**t if you like.

Nobody makes an effort to go out on a proper date anymore

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Gone are the days when boys would call you (yes, dial your number and speak like a human should) and ask you out on a date a week before. Now it’s either a nonchalant “Wanna hang?” on the day itself or a “You up?” WhatsApp message any time after 12am. Oh, let’s not forget the infamous ‘Netflix and chill’ because, you know, picking up a girl from her house and watching a movie in the cinema is just too much commitment and effort, OK?

I could probably write a thesis on this, but unlike my aunties, I know when to stop talking. I can’t speak for every girl but I believe that most of us have had enough of modern romance. I know I have. In fact, I’ve completely given up.

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For those who still believe and are still trying, good for you! I’ll cheer you on from my bed where I watch re-runs of Sons of Anarchy because I know Jax Teller would never read my message and not reply.

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